ok, i forgotten to call yuwei. he's gonna kill me!
was gg thru my past entries. guess i was kinda childish then.
2004-02-13
I hAtE hIm!!! :'(
It's in d mOrn now...n I woke up cos I jus tot of him. It's ridiculous! He treated me so badly n I jus have tis feelin of wantin him back! Hey, it's like a 1/2 yr relationship n 4gettin him isn't as easy as it seems...wat's more we were so close??? We met up almost everyday n stuffs...but gals tend 2 fall deeper n deeper but think guys tend 2 get sicker n sicker...isn't it sickenin? Think he jus got sick of me, tt's y. HmM...I abandon d other diary cos it's all full of him, but now I'm creatin another diary but seems it's also stil full of him. ShItTy...
Ok, enough of him. I'm gonna meet Steph 2 study Stats later 4 V.day's Stats test, n I'm gonna skip lecture bcos of tt...(weird riTe?) N hope he gets off my mind 2day...n once n 4 all. (It's gonna b hard...) After tt got my singin lessons...
N Mh asked me out tmR, but I haven't given him an ans cos Kim also asked me out...tt's all abt my V.day! N supposely...SiGh...disappointment...
ok, that was.. guess i was utterly disappointed.
2004-04-01
I'm attached!
M in sch now..suppose 2 reach sch @ 10am but i was late! Feelin so bad man..cos i woke up late. Hehe..
Oh yah, Wy..1 2 cum or not? Hmm..thou no shuai ge..but we still can haf fun!
Hmm..ppl..jus 1 2 tell all i'm attached now..patched back. Hehe..d 1 hu i worry n dun tell is Max..but nvm le cos i've told him. Hehe..shld noe y Max..
Was slackin like hell ytd man! Was suppose 2 meet Max but he nv cum find me lor! So was like slackin d whole day..then baked muffins! Yum..nice man! Hmm..think until now only Wy tasted my cupcakes! N tt wasn't i bake de wor..it's my mum! Think only my family tasted d 1s i made. Not bad de wor..Hehe..but made an error last nite cos i mistaken 15g of butter 4 50g! *Oops* Hehe..
Oh yah..like XiangQuan also v agitated when he realized i'v changed my nick. Haha..Ivan also..but think these ppl won't cum read my diary de la..anyway ppl, hope he won't leave again..rite Johnny?
F***. the more i read the more i wan2 puke. how stupid can a person go?
2004-04-11
Things r not always wat it seems 2 b
Had an entry b4 tis so if u guys free go read..
Just wanna vent my frustration here..
I had a fucky day with my projs n tutorials..n tot my boy won't console me when he reach hm or wateva..i kept on tellin myself he 4gotten 2 take out his hp tt's y he didn't msg me, but he just confronted me when he came online..nvm..i just tot he would teach me beta after tt incident..nvm..just..nvm..
i nv knew i was wrong. I msg-ed him always last time whenever i go, wateva i do, but all d reply i got is "icic". I rather not msg rite? Pls..i'm also not bu yao lian go find sum1 hu find me irritatin..n i was d 1 hu msged him @ nite b4 I went 2 slp, but he didn't reply me or @ least haf d tendency 2 tel me he's off 2 work. Nvm..i tell myself he 4got..
Hey..i tried 2 b nice once, but i was dumped instead. I'm not gonna care now. I dun1 2 b so fan jian like last time. I suffered, just fr my family members abt tis..just tt i didn't tell him. it's not like he's always better then i treat him like it seems 2 b..like he always fetch me hm fr sch. I dun say out everythin. Not all things r wat it seems 2 b.
my eng sucks! hmm.. everything started to go downhill.
2004-04-27
Paranoid
Dunno y kinda think of my own prob when i read Ry's diary.
Sometimes really just wanna relief myself. Just thinkin tt whether did i make the right decision by patchin up. i did tt time cos i felt tt maybe he's really the 1 for me. my mr right. look @ d way he treated me when he wanted a patch, n now. sorry dear, but maybe i'm just as paronoid as ry. maybe it's almost the same prob as her just tt i kept all my upsets n disappointment inside. i dun1 others 2 feel the sad bcos of me, but i think i'm really breakin down.
let me vent them out now-
i hate chattin online n msgin. i just sense no sincerity in them, but i'm still doin d same thing 2 him now bcos it's his habit of communication.
ok, so it's all about msgs n msns. i hate it when i sense no sincerity in his letters. it seems like i'm chattin wif my beloved n he just replied me in a heck-care tone. i felt so neglected.
i hate it when i said "take it as i nv said b4. if u r fine, i'm fine 2," n he really take those words. pls..i'm a girl, n a super sensitive n a think-alot type. when u dun gimmi a reply i really freak out sometimes, n tot "m i really overdoin it?" when u r just heck carin everythin.
n i really hate it when u used 2 fetch me hm every wed after my cca which is until 9pm n now u complained it's late when i asked u 2 find me @ 8pm after sch..when i haven't been seein u for a wk.
i've been keepin all 2 myself bcos i'm afraid u mite break up wif me after knowin so many things, but i really m gonna breakdown soon..4give me..
woops! he sucks afterall. should have patched back in the 1st place.
2004-12-13To him*
Seriously, i dunno wat's d main problem, always. n i'm really sick n tired of d same cycle- quarrel, cold war, got back 2gather w/o solvin d prob, then back 2 quarrel again due 2 prob not solved. i'm gonna state d prob now.
1) i can sense d difference fr when we just got in2 tis relationship till now. u always fetch me home cos u r worried (u said), u msg-ed me now n then, n even called me sometimes, u must c me once a day, u called me dear n gimmi little surprises now n then. now? u msg-ed as little as possible, sees me not even once a wk, n didn't even bother 2 pick me up even though u have d time 2 stay @ home n slack. u claimed it's laziness, but i dun think u'll b lazy if u love tt somebody.
2) deleted
3) u never explain anythin. everytime u'll use d same phrase- "tt is wat u think.", n when i ask u wat r u thinkin then, u'll say "different fr wat u r thinkin." excuse me? sorry 2 say i'm really fucked up by tis cycle. u never elaborate anythin n u expect me 2 understand? then u'll start 2 say i never understand u. how will i ever understand u? then u'll start 2 ask me silly qns like- wat colours u like wat u like 2 eat.. hey! it's about ur character not wat u like. i even know Jordan Chan like pink, but does tt means i like him? duh..
4) i sometimes wonder y do u suddenly like group outin with me instead of just a date with only 2 of us? issit bcos i'm really tt borin or wat? badminton stuffs.. sorry but u know i'm never in2 sports. asked me out then cancelled cos u said u r lazy.. i dunno wat does tt suppose 2 mean. or like 4get out dates which we planned long ago.. my heart is like torn 2 pieces. n even if u have d time 2 slack u rather stay @ home n do nth.i guess after readin tis, n if u really come across tis, i think it's either u tell me "u dun appreciate my doings" or "u dunno wat i'm thinkin" or "u dun understand me", or u dun bother 2 say anythin. i always brin up d prob so we both can solve them 2gather but u just dun bother 2 make an effort. i'm sick n tired n i'm really SICK N TIRED!sorry peeps but i dun wish any1 2 tag n make any comments n console me. i only wish 2 get an ans fr him. n let me say tis- tis r not just d only probs. there's more 2 it. i just dun wan2 say everythin.
haha.. seriously, i dunno whether to laugh or cry after reading.
i guess everything just ended there. didn't manage to find any other entries about him. yep, after reading i just find that i really changed, and.. quite alot. hmm.. i dun find myself to be able to think that way anymore. i dun think i can be so disturbed over little things. or.. maybe they ain't little things. they just dun happen to me anymore. haa..
anyway, i still love this entry. cos i'm still pondering over the same thing.
2005-03-07an empty vase
sometimes i just feel that i'm an empty bottle.not lala that kinda bottle, but as in i'm the bottle.hmm.. or should i say a vase?hmm.. i always think i try 2 act ok, nice, wateva.. on d outside, but sometimes i just feel i'm actually empty on d inside.really envy those who actually feel and show the real kinda of happiness.dunno, maybe i'm just so superficial. maybe i'm usin 2 much of d outside n try 2 cover up wat i lack inside.i look 4 nice clothes, expensive cosmetics, branded bags.maybe i'm just try 2 make myself feel better.after some time i just feel i'm just kinda cheatin myself.appearance doesn't equals to wat u really are.hmm.. maybe people won't notice those kinda plain janes walkin in d streets.if it's me, i'll care alot.but who knows? they might b d happiest person in d world. who cares about how people look @ you?i really wish i could think d same way as wat i said. maybe i think 2 much. i sometimes hate myself why can't i see things in a simplier way?i know i've got d best family in d world- a kinda mother who would do anythin if i open my mouth, a kinda dad who will give me everythin i desire, n a brother who would even piggy-back me down d stairs when my muscle aches n won't snap @ me even when i'm unreasonable.but y m i feelin so empty? issit my imagination? wat exactly is d thing i lack?i wish i can dun think about who's gonna read my blog, who's gonna worry about me, who's gonna care 4 me watsoeva.i wish i can b satisfy with everythin i have- flare lesser of my temper, get fulfilled easier n fill my vase full of happiness.can i do that? every1's givin me happiness 2 fill up my vase, but y can't i just put them in instead of lookin @ them n wonder- r they really "happiness"?i think alot, but when can i then sort out my tots?
ok, finally found sth funny to share. haha! really FUNNY!
2005-04-22diu lian for the night..
lazy 2 update.. haha~ so just copy fr wanyi's blog.. =p
==here it goes==Went to PS for movie.... alright la the show...okok nia... stupid show... haha~ And we watch the wrong movie! (Not in the sense tt we went into the wrong cinema) Cus wanted to watch the Jap one..instead ended up watchin the korean one... and the best part... Jas din realize until i told her after after the show ended... hahahaha...
As usual... disgrace ourselves again! And Jas wanted to pee... so knock into tis man wif her popcorns... hahhaa~veyr funny thou.. cus she was luffing.. den the worse part was.... goin up the stairs to give the person our tix... both of us we luffin lyk mad until Jas can't walk...den i oso no strength to gif the person the tix... shiT lo! Den the person lookin at us...i tink the person oso feel lyk luffing le lo...
Ok...finally made our way into our cinema....den... we went in to put our popcorns n drinks.... den went out again.... tink the couple must b tinkin we very sickening... cus we passed them 3 times askin to excuess... haha...but haG la~ Den i tink the couple sittin next to me feelin irritated.. hahahaha... cus both of us keep luffing from the moment we enter....
The moment of diu lian tt stupid Jas cfm mention tis in her blog... so i rather say it in my own blog first....
When we came back from the toliet back into the cinema... i walk towards the wrong row... cus we were sitting "K row" den i walk past K row without noeing.. den i felt weird...how come walk until so front... den stupiD! When i turn back.. tt stupid girl aka Jas... was luffing her head off lookin at me walkin down! KAoz~! Also duno how to call me.. den the couple which i mentioned that we walk past 3times i tink oso luffing at me lo! KAOZ~~~~~!!!!!
Ok... enuff "diu lian" for tonight....
haha! SUPER funny!!! =p
ok, enough! =p
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