love... or not.

as much as i yearn love to fall in love, sad to say that, it is equally much that i hope i would never fall in love.

its just like walking on thin rope with shattered glass pieces right below you. left alone in the world blindfolded. tone deaf to the most important words that might pull you back to the right path.

we all watch soap operas, right? rmb how they enacte those scenes of those 70s? hey you know wat, sell me off as a hooker for all i care. i'll bring the bread to the table, as well as free sex for you, just as long as you stay by my side.

this scene just keep popping up in my head. i know you despise those girls, as well as those who are bruised by their husbands everyday, like how we need the daily 8 cups of water.

we, to keep us alive.
them, to keep them by their sides.

no, i do not despise them. like wat i say, you're tone deaf, blind, yet daring enough to do anything. the fear of demise is equivalent to losing their love. without them is like dying. imagine how can you go without them for days. if you are not afraid of dying, (get me, its d-y-i-n-g, not to die instantly) go ahead and despise them. trying stabbing yourself one knife a day. let the pain seeps through you and feel it. that is wat i call dying.

i know how is it like to sleep with brain wide awake, food taste like acid which you'll just spit them out automatically and physical pain never seem as soothing as before. tears flow from tape with broken pipes and penknives seem like friends with drugs.

but again, this cancer will never go away if you dun step outside the box and see wat kinda situation you're in. as much as the outsiders despise wat you're doing to yourself, step outside yourself and see the torture which you dun have to put yourself through. this chemo guarantees to keep you alive, as long as you resist the urge to fall back the wrong track as well as killing yourself.

trying to keep your hair and not doing chemo, i won't say its right or wrong. because praying to God may help. the tumour might go away and no red cells will be destroyed, nor any precious strains of hair will be lost. but as much as your internal organs might suffer, chemo is just another way that put you through a harder yet short process.

for me, i just wish to get a 9 to 5 job and when i come home, my mum will have the dinner cooked and welcome me home with a smiley face. we ate dinner, watched tv, then dvd along with my dad after he knocked off. my bro will be at the side using his laptop, but i'd be even happier with him chatting and watching tv tgr. lovey dovey r/s, are just extravagant accessories which i cannot afford, and i dun deserve.

this emotion spunned from something that happened recently, but rest assure its like wat i said, a spun of emotions. not directing to anything, and might not even valid for long. not exactly how i always write, the descriptions are for real, at least now.