what ifs.

images of what ifs keep flashing.

what if i chose not to take the initiate to contact my cousin.
what if i chose not to go out after the 1st movie-hancock.
what if i chose to walk away when my cousin pissed me off when he told me you were working till late and we had to wait for you.
what if you were pissed with me shouting over the phone and decided not to come.
what if i didn't come for the last min ktv.
what if i chose another suitor.
what if i chose to remain single.
what if i wasn't in my best shape.
what if i was still in citibank and had a busy job.
what if i still remain punkish.
what if i decided that boys ain't for me.

what if the girl decided to pick you.
what if you decided to go after the pretty girl in poly.
what if you didn't choose to like the other girl when the cute girl like you.
what if you didn't ask for my msn.
what if you decided to stop when we can't handle our first conversation well.
what if you decided i was the same usual fierce girl when you see in the first meeting.
what if you decided that i wasn't tall enough.

wo cai yi dian jiu cuo guo ni.

i hate tears. i think it's unneccessary and redundant situation to be handled. but everytime you dedicate a song, care so much, did so much, love and miss so much, i can't bear to remind myself what if all these becomes memories.

what if one day you decide someone else was better.
what if the feeling was lost.
what if we run out of words.
what if darling and sweeties dun sound the same as before.

i already start missing when you held my hands and sang. it is barely 24hours.
i can foresee my heart being rip apart, be it physically or mentally, like how lions rip the baby lambs, fleshes torn, some bloody bits in their mouth, some rotting pieces on the floor, wasted.

i can feel the weight on the shoulders.
i felt my brain bursting.

maybe never is better, maybe it's smthing that will never happen again.