influential decision.

when you have 100 suitors, there'll be 101 options.
staying single would be the most reliable, least heartaching and most dependable one.
rarely, and almost never, of the rest of the options would add up to weight enough percentage to make any influential decision.
and nope, totally of several options are not allow, else you'll be thrown to jail.

toys

when i just join the school, i was pretty happy 'cause teacher gave me a welcome gift. it wasn't exactly very pretty, but it came to grew on me. but when i just started to feel comfortable with its presence, my teacher told me it has to leave 'cause another new kid came in, and i had to give it up. for the toy's sake, for the new child's good.

my classmates saw me unhappy, gave me a toy to substitute. well... it was ugly to begin with. but its free and it wana be mine... so why not?

when sch ended, pretty mary who lived next door gave a another toy. she told me she thinks the toy suits me and we will be happy together. i liked it, and gladly accepted it. i feel comfortable with it presence, but not sure how will i feel again if it's been taken away from me.

and then i woke up. i asked myself, why ain't they toys which permission will be granted to own many?

stainless steelsss

choose a day.
take the sharpest knife from the kitchen. peel open the one who had been sleeping beside you for the past hundred years. you might just be surprise to find him made of stainless steels which don't just don't rust, but cold and emotionless as well.

yet he appeared blood and flesh. scary huh?

well, things happen, dun they? probably you won't know till the skin thins and the metal starts to show.

emo

When the term emo came out, I was elated cos I tot finally I found home...

.

.

.

.

.

...till there were posers and wannabes.

boost of confidence

if only there's an injection for a boost of confidence.
but i think we can only settle for a booze of confidence.

love...

" As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will.

You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time.

You'll break hearts too,so remember how it felt when yours was broken.
You'll fight with your best friend.

You'll blame a new love for things an old one did.

You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love.

So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.
Don't be afraid that your life will end,be afraid that it will never begin."

love... or not.

as much as i yearn love to fall in love, sad to say that, it is equally much that i hope i would never fall in love.

its just like walking on thin rope with shattered glass pieces right below you. left alone in the world blindfolded. tone deaf to the most important words that might pull you back to the right path.

we all watch soap operas, right? rmb how they enacte those scenes of those 70s? hey you know wat, sell me off as a hooker for all i care. i'll bring the bread to the table, as well as free sex for you, just as long as you stay by my side.

this scene just keep popping up in my head. i know you despise those girls, as well as those who are bruised by their husbands everyday, like how we need the daily 8 cups of water.

we, to keep us alive.
them, to keep them by their sides.

no, i do not despise them. like wat i say, you're tone deaf, blind, yet daring enough to do anything. the fear of demise is equivalent to losing their love. without them is like dying. imagine how can you go without them for days. if you are not afraid of dying, (get me, its d-y-i-n-g, not to die instantly) go ahead and despise them. trying stabbing yourself one knife a day. let the pain seeps through you and feel it. that is wat i call dying.

i know how is it like to sleep with brain wide awake, food taste like acid which you'll just spit them out automatically and physical pain never seem as soothing as before. tears flow from tape with broken pipes and penknives seem like friends with drugs.

but again, this cancer will never go away if you dun step outside the box and see wat kinda situation you're in. as much as the outsiders despise wat you're doing to yourself, step outside yourself and see the torture which you dun have to put yourself through. this chemo guarantees to keep you alive, as long as you resist the urge to fall back the wrong track as well as killing yourself.

trying to keep your hair and not doing chemo, i won't say its right or wrong. because praying to God may help. the tumour might go away and no red cells will be destroyed, nor any precious strains of hair will be lost. but as much as your internal organs might suffer, chemo is just another way that put you through a harder yet short process.

for me, i just wish to get a 9 to 5 job and when i come home, my mum will have the dinner cooked and welcome me home with a smiley face. we ate dinner, watched tv, then dvd along with my dad after he knocked off. my bro will be at the side using his laptop, but i'd be even happier with him chatting and watching tv tgr. lovey dovey r/s, are just extravagant accessories which i cannot afford, and i dun deserve.

this emotion spunned from something that happened recently, but rest assure its like wat i said, a spun of emotions. not directing to anything, and might not even valid for long. not exactly how i always write, the descriptions are for real, at least now.