Caught up

Caught up over dinner with a bunch of friends I used to work with. Some remain quite the same; some, like me, turned into another self.

As I mentioned, I could barely recognize myself as the person I used to be when I was little. I could never figure out whether it’s for the better or worse, but I do know I’m getting stronger little by little every day.

2 were observers, while 2 were more vocal. I talked a lot as usual, along with another sweet friend. From there, I realized no one is considered stronger or thoughtful than the other; we are merely individuals that possess the capacity to derive unique philosophies. We held different past, present, environment and culture, which is no wonder even our values are different. I’m learning not to force my philosophies, and only limiting them to sharing.

However, undeniably, no matter what or how will we eventually turn out, I’m glad all of us are strong, independent women.

The Show, by Lenka

I'm addicted. =3

Voice

Just came back from Scuba Diving theory class. It was fruitful, picked up a lot of tips and noted some important key points. Most of all, I picked out something that isn't just applicable to scuba dive, but to life.

People around you can only judge from how you appear to look; only yourself knows truly the situation you are in. Voice out, if you have to.

Many times, we expect someone else to read what we are thinking, what exactly do we want. Yes, I do agree our emotions are reflected through the expressions in our face, but it can only show so much. All of us have a mind of our own; if your childhood includes “Banana in Pajamas”, you probably know where you gotten the idea of mind-reading from.

 I’m not saying to hang an emotional tag around your neck, but when a certain conclusive decision is derived through our own unique philosophy, maybe it’s time to voice it out. Else, expecting a total fit of understanding will be seemingly unfair, to whoever it may be.

Building up myself doesn’t require to go by a certain type of book or rules. Little enlightenment through the simple paths I walk everyday aids me to grow and bloom. =)

Mutate

Once, a friend told me about the restart button in life… and I think I’m about to push mine down soon, completely.

Somehow in life, at one stage or another, you undergo this stale, stagnant experience… and you either tell yourself ‘that’s it, that’s just life,’ or you give it a total facelift.

Well… for that, I had experience quite a handful, which is the reason why I am today right now. Looking back, even only for couple of years, it really isn’t surprising that you might not even be able to recognize me. I changed so frequently, so much, that I just wonder who I am already sometimes.

But now no, this antsy girl still lives within me. The withdrawal symptoms from the constant change are slowly creeping into me. I sat down in a quiet space and try to reach out to the inner me… but it because too far-fetched. I haven’t even realized the distance had grown so far.

I was that girl who hid every single smile, who was ashamed to speak in English, who couldn’t even make out what happens next after high school. That girl who used to silently pray and wish that limelight would never hit her, and avoid every single chance to speak. Think of a friend of yours
whom you never understand why they never speak, and that would be me.

And about who I am now? The total opposite.

From the fluency of English, you could never tell I came from a family who barely speaks it. And that being said, I never spoke well of myself, even that would be the fact I believe in. Not for the sake of being humble though, but believing yourself able to live up to a certain standard probably brings you a harder fall when either the facts of truth hit you, or you deteriorate. You may say it’s signs of insecurities, but to me, it’s just me.

Yesterday I took a stroll home after running some errands. I stared into the sky, and felt a swarm of nostalgia. I thought change was good, but subconsciously I defaced myself. I mourned for my loss, which in irony it’s a gain according to many. Which I was totally submerged into my thoughts during the walk, my feet brought me in front of the crossroad. I then realized I had to choose between someone the society loves, or myself.

Trust

Trust is an important element in relationships. Even thought needed in every sort, romantic ones are especially.

My parents brought me up and guided me my first step.

The brother I grew up with runs the same blood within my veins.

My friends, though, share joys and woes, left me with ample personal space.

A romantic relationship, however, is talking about how you have to spend the rest of your life with someone that pops into your life at unexpected... or expected moments. It may be your current friend, it may be a second degree friendship, or it may just be a stranger you took the same train with everyday. I haven’t seen cupid, I have no idea what his mood might bring you into. So, right here, we are talking about handing your entire fate into someone else’s hands, someone you used to barely know. Trust, this essential element is the antidote to maintaining a positive relationship.

 And one thing for sure about myself, is that I have an issue with trust. My invisible walls are built up so high that you probably need a ladder to climb over those obstructive barriers.

Yet the kind of relationship I am in right now is surviving solely base on trust.

Have you ever treasure a fate so much that it gives you the strength to forsake certain reality you learn to know? You know even thought dark thoughts will eventually swam up, but you chose to keep them in whichever tiny corner you can find in your conscious and pretend it never exist, at least for the so long as it last?

It wouldn’t be me if I haven’t triple check on a piece of information, but right now I haven’t pop a single question, or even requested an elucidation. I constantly dug into my heart and pump in fuel that keeps my inner strength for trust, and silently pray that everything will turn out okay.

Someone once spoke the cliché phrase “love is blind,” you gotta believe every single letter. For all you may know, I may not be too far from my breaking point, but for every single moment I spent despite the callings of guilt, the word regret never surfaced.

Perception

The light you are seeing things from strongly affects the matter you perceive.

Admit it, everyone is a judgmental being. We grew up from an environment teaching us how to differentiate right from wrong, to say thank you after receiving a present. When you did not, you are rude, even though you appreciated and thank silently in your heart.

Have you ever wonder the feelings of a third party of a relationship or a vengeful murderer, other than being stereotypically judgmental, pointing fingers and commenting it’s just politically wrong? How about asking yourself, if it was you, do you even have the guts to commit such act?

Are you mentally strong enough to go for something you really want? Or are you capable to go all lengths for something you deem unjust? You might be unable to, but I did not judge you. So, think again- why are you judging people whom have totally no relations to you?

A third party of a relationship may love, and willing to fall into an affair that may result in consequence most can’t bear. This is foreseeable, yet they are willing to give it all away. For courageous decision, I give admirable respect, but can you see from the light I see?

Someone kill you father, be it a burglar who accidentally put a knife though his stomach or a deliberate murder, are you capable to turn this vengeful woe into a revenge? Even given a chance that this person is put in front of you armless, and a deathly weapon is in your hands. Such favorable situation, are you capable to end this life by holding the thought of your father?

I’m not commenting which is right from wrong, but some strengths in certain complex situations are worth admiring and to learn from. You may be dismissed by the idea as matters like this are politically wrong. But once you see beyond the surface, these are actually valuable lessons if you channel these strengths into other areas.

There’s nothing wrong with thinking the world is the well, just when you are the frog in the well because that was all you could see. But when you are brought out of the well, keep an open-mind when you see beyond what you normally know. Similar, do not look down when you see another being in a well living inside your well, because you never know who else might be laughing at you from the well which you well is situated.

See things under different light, you might just be pleasantly surprised by what you may gain.

Newly Dyed Hair (from Cuttour Studio)

I understand my blog is reeeeeally stagnant for a damn damn long time. And you guys shouldn't mark my words when I promise to blog regularly. Seems like I already am having problem catching up with my daily life routine.

But nonetheless, blogging is a healthy habit, 'cause voicing out to life human beings involves some kinda different opinion, and some opinions are unnecessary, and maybe opinions shouldn't be needed at all at some cases!

Like, how I wan to brag about my newly dyed hair fresh from Cuttour Studio's oven.

Many camwhore-ed photos.

I wanted to dye my roots to the colour I originally had, but Janet mentioned the colour sorta faded already, and would need to freshen up the whole thing. Well, I deem her knowledge more professional than mine, so I did what she recommended.

And yah, my original hair colour.

Quite a big difference, ehh?

Alright! Will try my best to blog more... Wanted to say mark my words, but owells. =)

Life's already unpredictable, so what's more can I say about myself?

Halloween Photos!

testing the photo uploading function. =)

Youtube Video: Sesame Street-- Outdoors with Jason Mraz

I know I know... I haven't been blogging for a long while!

But hey wait! This clip is tooo amazing to miss.

I love Jason Mraz. =)

And Elmo and all the other monsters. XD Who says monsters can't be cute?

Studying at KFC @RP!

This post is very late, but nonetheless, Imma post it up! 'Cause class for next semester is starting soon, and I'm dreading it... (Weird Mooo is looking forward to it. -.-)

Photos up!

Mooo is studying while...

I'm cam-whoring. Haha.

Studying studying studying...

 

And he doing that is getting me gancheong...

And for now, the funny photo after studying tooo hard...

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Haha! And the history shall repeats itself again & again for all other semester. XD