it's a selfish world

i think this is damn true, you never learn how to appreciate till something happens, or even worse, when you are on the verge of losing it. i love my family all along, but i realised that i didn't put enough effort in it all the while. i took everything for granted. mum and dad dotes on me alot, n i never repay them anything. i only know how to ask for more. i'm so ashame of myself.

one more thing tt i've learnt- not to be dependent on another person. it will seems like the end of the whole when that person leave you, even if he/she is actually unwilling to do so. i dun think anybody wan2 let the person worry about you either, esp if it's an impt person.

i'm praying hard that i would be strong. pls give me the strength to think for others, give me the strength not to let any1 worry for me, and pls give me the strength to take care of others. i dun wan2 be a person who will need another person to live, but rather be a person who need me to live. pls give me a strong shoulder to take care of wat needs to be taken care of and never need to leave them.

ok, maybe it's just screwed up. nobody will be able to be there for any person forever. tian xia mei you bu san de yan xi.

maybe i should say, pls give my love ones to carry on with their lives even without the person whom they are dependent on and live happily. pls let my loves ones know my love for them.
i wonder why ppl's heart grow smaller as they grow older. kids dun mind sharing their sweets with others kids, but i can see adults' unwillingness even just to share a table when they are in a crowded foodcourt. they praised washington for admiting after cutting down the apple tree, but why do ppl get charge in court when they say out their views in their blogs? let's say even if their points are wrong, but issit the right wat to charge them to get their rights back? adults are just making their life more and more complicated. y can't they be pure and innocent like kids? i think the world would be a better place to live in. do you understand the feeling of living in fear that any1 would just stab you in the bad? hey, this is not just gonna be you enemy who's gonna do that. it might just be any1, even those who smile in you face. even those who claim you are their best friends. i'm those whose hearts dun grow smaller, but rather, weaker. lesser ppl can be trust and the will and hope to carry on living fades gradually. luckily i know ppl who are of me this kind, rather than the other. i'd have be dead by now if all the ppl around me are of the 1st kind.

the world is just selfish. no footstep will stop for you. the earth will just keep on turning, and you have to keep walking to prevent from being left behind.